Spiritual Hunger

I think the world is spiritually hungry for a new wave of thinking. So I'm gonna create one. Now,  I'm not a cult leader or anything, just a budding philosopher that has something to offer. Its going to mix everything I've ever been drawn to. And I'm going to deliver it in a fictional format. Its gonna be a saga of a story. I'm not sure how many books it will be, but it will be good. I'm debating on what I'm going to call this new philosophy, this merged/pluralistic/eclectic philosophy. But I'm sure I'll have something, I'll come up with something good.

stream of consciousness poem...

i want a place that isn't texas
where i can be free
where i can be lesbian and date women and discover things about myself
i want a place where i can be around people like me
where i can be unitarian and not hafta hide myself

i want a place like seattle where it always rains or like boston where its by the coast
or like canada where they speak french and its like another world
or like London, where they have accents and red busses or like paris
like paris where the rules of love are more lenient or so i here

i want to be that indie lesbian that likes cock only if its gay or trans
i want to be that indie lesbian that writes her own book series like harry potter or anita blake that is full of queer characters and is like a breath of fresh air, so cool and breath taking like a crisp breeze, its fresh and original

i want to be that small business owner in province town, where i sell fetish erotica movies and atlases and posters, a small thrift shop or outlet store in montreal where all gay fiction is half off or something.
i want to be a travel writer, that sees the world and writes it all down and has a scrap book that becomes a published novel on my view of the world and i wien the pulitzer

i want to have that vlog channel on youtube where it feels like you're actually in portugal or belgium, its all about tourism and slice of life, i want to write that yaoi slice of life school romance anime even as an american, the japanese love it and buy it all over tokyo, i want that house in kyoto or osaka in the japanese country where i can retreat to if i want to write in solitude and relax outside in the fresh air

i want to travel to vienna with a lover like they did in before sunrise and spend the whole night just walking the town and exploring and being in the night and its completely safe, nothing bad happens. i want to have just me and my guitar writing songs in french and getting signed on an indie label.

i want to have the guts to do a beautiful agony video without porn or help, but have my sexual imagination be so free, that i can make myself cum over and over and over and over again. i want to be free of this bible belt, and christianity and its outdated ideas about love and how the world should be. i want to be a born again agnostic evangelist, where i preach questions and free thinking.

i want a laybrinth where i can walk and feel closer to the divine and be pagan and proud and free.
i want pagan friends and gay friends, close friends like on queer as folk, we hang out together and keep in touch all the time.

i want worn jeans and lots and lots of scarves, platform shoes and newsboy caps, frizzy twists in my hair and watermelon lip gloss and black nail polish. i want a gay boyfriend that loves me the way a man loves another man, who can be with a non op femme ftm. i want to ride trains all over europe and take notes and draw pictures and take pictures and write poetry and dance and sing and write songs.

i want to be an artist, a student of life. i want to be in business for myself, and my art, i want to be renaissance woman, i want to feel the world being born through me, through my eyes, i want to be a breath of fresh air to the world, i want to paint my colors on a flag and wave it high and wild.

but that all starts ...

by getting out of texas ...

Themes I want to write about

I believe that I am destined to write great experimental fiction and literature. Stream of Consciousness, Magical Realism, Surrealism. That's the stuff, I want to write, oh yeah and epic poetry. So I gotta study it and read more of it. That's the trick. I also want to have my work become roleplaying systems and games, like Final Fantasy or 7th Sea. If I go table top, I definitely want it to be a d10 system. I love d10 systems. And I don't know enough about video game rpgs or pc rpgs to know what kind of style I want for that format. But yeah. I want cosplayers of my characters. So I gotta have some sort of  ... element to it, like fictional, like supernatural or fantasy element to it. But its like how do you have fantasy without it being like dungeons and dragons with forests and wizards and dragons with wings and stuff or like it being like urban fantasy where you have this crime fighter like Buffy or Anita Blake or Harry Dresden ...? I want to revolutionize the fantasy genre, writing about harmonizing with the darkness instead of always fighting against it, and about love being this grand force without limits or boundaries, about polyamory and asexuality.


So I'm hunting down quotes and inspiration for this new experimental turn I'm taking, and I kinda want it to channel everybody, like Harry Potter did, it was cool for kids, for grown ups, for everyone. And the theme will be 'just be', harmonize with your inner darkness instead of fighting it, acknowledge it and be at peace with it, because without it, there would be no light, so we need it, we need our darkness as much as we need our light. And love isn't finite, it isn't so small and narrow that it can only be one way, my works will promote free love and peace and harmony, and maybe I sound like a hippie, but I really believe that love should be free of limits, love the way that feels natural, and trust and communication is the root of all relationships.

I don't know how I'm gonna come up with a story to promote these themes, but I'm gonna write it and its gonna be great, its gonna be a thick tome of a novel, like four hundred pages, on onion pages with leather bound covers and comic book maps and inserts, like a magazine meets comic book meets bible. I want it to be a bible for someone, a guide book for people in a way... maybe I should make my lead character a prophet or something? I don't know ...


Anyway, just my thoughts on the matter for the moment...